Although I prefer to partake in pornography in the privacy of my apartment, I was part of a crowd of fifty-plus people chanting "Anal, Anal!" on Saturday nite. It was not a live sodomy sex show that I attended, but rather the Valentine's Day reunion of Buffalo shock rockers Anal Pudding at Nietzche's in Buffalo, NY. I've been a fan of AP for years, going back to when I'd play their stuff on my Live 365 internet radio show outta Calgary. I even tried to bring them up to Toronto for 4/20, but things didn't work out, in part because they officially broke up a couple months beforehand. When I was told about a reunion show happening VD '09, I made a point of heading down to Buffalo for the occasion, which I understood to be a one-off.
This wasn't the first time I've been to the States, but I had always travelled by plane and dealt with customs at the airport. This time I went by bus, so I had to deal with the lineup and the border guards at the Peace Bridge, which separates Buffalo from the town of Port Erie, Ontario. Getting across the border took over an hour--and there were only eight passengers on the bus! Now the Homeland Security guys weren't too hard on me when I told them I was only there for the nite and showed them my return ticket. I mentioned I was going to a concert, but I didn't wanna tell 'em I was there to see Anal Pudding cuz I wasn't sure what they'd think. Of course, I got asked the standard questions, "You're not in the band, are you? And you're not doing the lites, or anything? Good, cuz you'd need a work permit for that. " They also asked me if I was "bringing anything for the band," to which I responded that I wasn't carrying any illicit substances with me. They let me off easy and didn't even go through my stuff.
There were, however, a couple punk rock chicks at the back of the bus that held everybody else up. Not only were they carrying massive backpacks and guitar cases, but it seems they had only purchased tickets to St. Catherines, and were trying to sneak across the border. While they were given a stern talking-to, the guards gave 'em a warning and let them back on the bus. Any illusions I had of the US Border Patrol being like Jello Biafra in Highway 61 had been shattered--and I doubt they'd let Jackie Bangs across nowadays.
Even once you got through the gate, 7 pm traffic in Buffalo was stop-and-go, and not just in the direction of the Sabres' rink. Delaware Ave, one of the city's main thoroughfares, had turned into a parking lot, so my cabbie took a circuitous route that led me down Allen St, the heart of the "Historic Allentown District." I'm not sure what's so historic about Allen St, but pretty much every structure within a four-block radius is a bar, including a couple of the anal-loving persuasion near Main Street. Good thing that the AP show was a couple blocks away, or some of that crowd woulda been disappointed, I'm sure.
In between my hotel and the concert venue was the Towne Restaurant, known for its Greek cuisine and being open real late. (I'm told they're open 23 hours a day, and closed between 6 and 7 am for cleaning purposes.) For an all-nite diner, the place is bright and spacious, and while the prices are comparable to Fran's or the Golden Griddle, the food is of a much higher quality. Yes, there is the exchange rate to consider, but with the Canadian dollar at 80 cents, it's not too bad. Hell, Canadian beer costs less in Buffalo than it does in TO! At Towne, it was 3.65 for a bottle of Blue, which comes to 4.38 in Canadian currency. Not bad when the going rate for said beverage was 4.50 at Toronto restaurants--before the LCBO raised the price of liquor across the board. And it's not like this place had the cheapest brew in towne, erm, town, either.
I should mention that I used to live on Pape Avenue, right in the heart of Toronto's Greektown, but as a low-rent rooming-house dweller, the only time I could afford to sample the local fare was during Taste of the Danforth, when the booths were hawking souvlaki, baclava, spaniko/tiropita, and very little else. So I couldn't tell you what half the stuff on the Towne combination plate was, but it sure hit the spot. In addition to beef souvlaki and pita bread, there were cabbage rolls, some sorta seasoned sausage, and a tasty concotion that was a cross between lasagna and shepherd's pie. All that and a Greek salad had me feeling pretty full when I left the place.
Turns out I was one of the first people to get to Nietzche's, as it seems Buffalonians aren't slaves to the transit system the way we rely on the TTC. Most shows in Toronto try to end early enough for the crowd to catch the last bus/subway/street car home, but that doesn't seem to concern our friends south of the border. The first band, who had set up well in advance, didn't take the stage till almost 11 after I showed up at 9, which gave me time to taste the Irish brews on tap. When the bartender told me it was 3.25 for a pint of Rolling Rock, I had to ask him to repeat himself. Alas, that really was the price, and of all the beers I tried (Smithwick's and Harpoon IPA being the others), it was not only the cheapest--although none cost more than four bucks--but also the best-tasting. In French, you would say I was "bien arrose" with an accent aigu on the e by the time Coitus took the stage.
COITUS: I gotta say, after 6 or 7 beers, any band that opens with Ace of Spades and Where Eagles Dare sounds good to me, even if they've got a keyboard player. I should mention that I'm talking about the Misfits song, not the Iron Maiden one with the same name. Then again, they also played Run to the Hills, along with Hand of Doom by Black fuckin' Sabbath! Their original material wasn't nearly as good, but they sure got me fired up, eventhough most people were motionless for the whole set. I mean, if the tunes they covered don't do nothing for ya, you've probably got bad taste in music.
The layout of Nietzche's resembles the Horseshoe Tavern, albeit on a smaller scale, with the bar area up front and the concert area in the back. But they've also got elevated balconies perpendicular to each side of the main stage, and there's a smaller stage up front by the doors. Although things started pretty late, there was very little changeover time between bands, since Axis of Evil played up front and they were good to go when Coitus got off--after Coitus' keyboard player ran across the room to grab the bass, that is.
AXIS OF EVIL: This trippy trio sounded like a cross between Primus and prog rock. What's more, they played their own home-made instruments! Well okay, the drums weren't home-made, but the kit including a propane tank and a dented trashcan. I was particularly impressed by the array of basses made from household objects, which served the band's bass-driven sound quite nicely. Pretty cool stuff...
ANAL PUDDING: Now AP doesn't have much in common with Primus from a musical standpoint, but their album A Nice Poop had the same effect on me as Pork Soda, in that it stayed in my CD player for a long time after I first got it. Both discs are full of strangely catchy tunes with oddball lyrics, although AP is a lot more Zappa than Primus, even if their new bass player goes by the name Les ClayStool. Listening to them on CD is one thing, but seeing them live was a whole new trip. The lineup consists of eight members: your standard guitar/bass/drums/vocals setup along with a trumpet player, Jizzy Molestie, who's got the best stage name of them all; not one, but two keyboard players, including the guy from both opening bands; and a backing singer whose on-stage routine included a bottle of iced tea, a stuffed alien, a roll of toilet paper and his index finger. There was plenty of TP to go around; Biff Titsle tossing it into the crowd, along with some expired condoms from India, courtesy of The Count of Monte Fisto. But for all the gimmicks, the crazy costumes and zany headgear, the most impressive part of AP's stage show couldn't even fit on stage. Dubbed the Disco Toilet, it was a wooden throne big enough for a sumo wrestler's backside, with a lit-up, spinning disco ball inside. A fine piece of handiwork, I must say, although it's gotta be a pain in the ass to load in!
As for the song selection, the band played everything I wanted to hear, including Come On Granny, Crackwhores Aren't Worth It and Can I Masturbate In Your Car, not to mention the song and dance routine of I've Got a Fever for the Flavour of a Fetus. Yes, there's a dance that goes with that song, and it's Buffalo's answer to the Macarena, heh heh. At the end of the nite, Bif Titsle announced that anything they didn't play would be a part of their next show in March. So it wasn't a one-off gig, after all. But I'm glad I came--to the show, that is.
As for downtown Buffalo, well, it's not a real exciting place. Especially not on a Sunday, when everything's closed, including the used record store that I wanted to hit up. One place that does stay open 7 days a week is the Anchor Bar, where they first put the Buffalo in buffalo wings. The joint is known as a tourist destination, but it remains popular with the locals, as well. I got there shortly after they opened at noon, and it's a good thing I did, cuz the lineup for a table was running 15 deep by one o'clock. The famous wings weren't too spicy, but had plenty of that tangy Buffalo flavour. Paired with a few three-dollar pints of Blue, gave me a good lunch for less than 20 bucks. I can see why it's the place to go, but you really gotta go early to beat the rush!
Anchor Bar notwithstanding, the city was a ghost town. Since I had some time to kill and nothing to do, I decided to walk back to the bus terminal without a map, and only a vague sense of direction from riding in a cab the nite before. But I made it from Main and North (which, incidentally, is a block away from High St) to Ellicott and N Division in less than an hour, stopping for a piss a couple times in empty parking lots along the way. I'm not sure what the penalty for public urination in the state of New York is, but I am sure that nobody saw me. Once football season ends, Buffalo's got no place to to go on Sunday afternoons...
What did you think of the show? Discuss it on the THTGIR forum